Why I Would Never Get Married Without Pre-Marital Counseling
In today’s society, it seems premarital counseling is often replaced with a “trial run” as couples are choosing to cohabit more and are pushing marriage off. With couples getting married later or for those that do not have a strong faith connection, many feel they know what they need to know and are okay with bypassing counseling. However, here are some values of premarital counseling you may want to consider:
Pre-marital counseling helps to identify potential problem areas in your relationship.
I don’t care how healthy your relationship is, EVERYONE has something they could work on. Whether it is differing views on managing money, or how each of you prefers to handle conflict, counseling is a good way to help identify those areas of improvement. As a third party, a counselor or mentor brings an objective perspective to the equation as they point out or recognize things about your relationship that may be blinded to the both of you. Counselors also help shed light on relationship issues without one getting offended by the other.
Pre-marital counseling brings up situations you would not think to discuss BEFORE they are an issue.
My husband and I went through the book 101 Questions To Ask Before You Get Engaged, and I was amazed at how much we benefited from the process! The questions focused on everything from kids, finances, marriage expectations, role definitions, life-shaping experiences, holidays, etc. It forced us to face potential relationship disagreements BEFORE they occurred. Here are a few examples –
What makes it easy for you to be open and vulnerable, and what makes it difficult?
What is your greatest fear or concern about being married? What have you done to address these concerns?
Describe how you were disciplined as a child. If you have children, how will your discipline be the same and how will it be different than you experienced?
What have you learned from your previous relationships that will make you a better partner for someone at this time?
Counseling also helps to instill realistic expectations once the wedding is over.
What do you have to lose?
What’s the worst that can happen – you call the wedding off? I would consider that a win versus a lifetime of unhappiness because you didn’t face the challenges of your relationship head on. Counseling will help force communication between future spouses and encourage you to start working as a team before you are united as one. Think of this as the vision board of your marriage – it’s your opportunity to draw the blueprint – what your dreams are, where you want to go, what you want to build, etc. If anything, it will also be a good opportunity to take a step away from the wedding planning and focus on the two of you (which is what this whole wedding thing is about, right?)
Married and Young believes in this so much that they have created a BRAND NEW program for seriously dating and engaged couples called, “Me & You Forever”.
Don’t let wedding planning inhibit your investment into your relationship and future together. I PROMISE you WON’T regret it!