My Husband Needs Help
by Cassandra Bolar
No, my husband doesn’t possess any fatal flaws or defective personality traits – as a matter of fact, he is the most encouraging, appreciative, ambitious and loving man I know. However, one day I had an epiphany that my husband needs some help, major help. I realized this help wouldn’t require seeking a professional counselor or spending a dime.
I came to the realization that my husband needs MY help, support, love and encouragement more than anyone else’s.
This lightbulb went off when he was in the throes of preparing to launch his own business…
Without his prompting, I recognized that he would need my help in a very practical, hands-on manner. I also realized that I have unique attributes and talents that would help him in the areas he would need the most assistance. The hardest part of the realization was understanding the action that would be required of me; namely, making changes in my own life to fulfill this important role. I had been so accustomed to doing my own thing that adjusting my life in major ways to support and help my husband seemed like a sacrifice that was too big for me. I’d spent my entire life specializing in making my own dreams and aspirations come true, and I needed to make an important shift now that I was married (I’m a newlywed of two years).
I had to do some critical soul searching and figure out God’s wisdom on my role as a wife and how his insight should guide me in providing the help and support my husband needs. Slowly but surely, my heart softened and eventually fully embraced the idea of providing the help my husband needs – regardless of the changes that are required of me. I started to delight myself in supporting his dreams in major ways.
The first step of this journey was clearly defining what it means to be a wife and using God’s wisdom on the topic.
Then, “helpmeet” stood out to me. Now, the English version, “helpmeet”, doesn’t quite give justice to the depth and significance of being a wife. The Hebrew version of “helpmeet” is ezer (strength/power/rescue) kenegdo (alongside/counterpart), which better illustrates the beauty of being an equal partner with your husband and a source of strength and encouragement.
For example, ezer was referenced in the bible during the times when people desperately needed the Lord’s help and strength to come through for them. Being committed to providing this type of help for my husband has been a process, albeit a very rewarding process. I have adopted his dreams as my own and vice versa.
Additionally, assisting him with his dreams and goals has indirectly poured into my goals and dreams. Never before have I been more on track for fulfilling the call on my life. I discovered that supporting his dreams didn’t mean that I had to sacrifice my own – if anything, my dreams have been enhanced.
At the end of the day, this process has led to creating something much bigger than ourselves – a family mission that involves the both of us. For all the newly-weds out there, be encouraged, the changes that are needed to adjust to marriage may seem foreign in the beginning, but they will prove to be rewarding in the end. The help and encouragement that are needed in marriage may be practical, spiritual or mental, and they have a way of being reciprocal in nature. For all the wives out there, how your husband needs your help in a desperate way, you’ll need his help, too! Make your dreams come true together.