Written By: Tatianah Green
Dating can be exciting, nerve wrecking, and even grounds for a good (or bad) story to share with friends later. But, how many of us consider how we date? Dating in this generation has a bad rep, but when you consider how you personally want to date and your reasons behind it, you can secure the types of dates and people you want to date without compromising what you truly want in life and love.
Consider these thoughts as you go into your dating season:
Check your motives
What is your intention and motives for dating this person? I know this may seem a little early to some in the dating process, but in reality, you should have an idea of why you are dating and more specifically, interested in dating this person you are seeing. Are you dating because you’re lonely? Do you want to date because of outside pressures to get out more? Do you want to date with purpose to connect with a suitable mate?
In 2018, we can’t just wing it out here guys. We should move with pure motives and heart so we don’t lead anyone on for the sake of just wanting to go on dates. Remember that people are not experiments, but humans who desire and deserve the same things that you’re praying for.
Dating is not a competition or job interview
Despite what we see on TV, dating is not a competition. You’re one of a kind and so is your date. When you’re competing in dating, you lose focus on the individual you’re getting to know and focus more on the win, whatever that looks like to you. A competitive mindset robs you of the opportunity to truly get to know people for who they are instead of seeing them as potential threats to your goal.
Competing also takes away from you, constantly having to “prove” your desirability or qualities to be someone worth dating. If you have to do all of this for someone’s attention, straining yourself to be seen or gain approval from this person, then they may not be for you.
Like a job we really want, we may exaggerate some skills and even create new credentials to fit the requirements for that job. This definitely applies in dating, where it’s so easy to stretch the truth because you’re still in the early stages of learning about each other. Be sure to ask real questions and answer questions honestly.
You don’t want to lie that you’re into something to please your date.
Remember that you’re on this date too and need to vet them to see if they are someone you’d truly want to get to know, not because they’re the most eligible bachelor or bachelorette.
Be you all ways, always
Dating usually goes well in the beginning because the daters get along, have good conversation, and are respectful to one another, aka polite. Are you sure you were on a date with the person as who they are and not their representative? You can ask yourself the same question. Of course, early on in dating you tend to bring it in the looks, outfit, smell goods, talking topics, etc. But does your date get to see you authentically?
You’ve come a long way to develop your sense of self, personality, humor, intellect, interest, and passions. So why dumb down for anyone who doesn’t agree with those aspects of you in order to feel desired or wanted? Is the fear of not getting a date worth losing yourself in the process?
It helps to be yourself and not be so anxious to meet your date’s needs, because you’re not made to please man, but to please God.
When you walk in your true identity in Christ, you won’t lack confidence to be who you are on your dates instead of putting up a facade. Being yourself is a beautiful risk, because being true to who you are and who you serve will show in your walk and talk. It will draw the right people or deter the wrong people.
Don’t dim your light for a first date to get a second date, or at any time for that matter. No matter where you are in your single and dating season, it is rewarding to be true to yourself, unapologetically.