5 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF AFTER A BAD BREAK-UP
First, I want you to know that you are not alone. Many people have suffered from bad break-ups – sometimes several bad break-ups; some have endured more than they would like to admit. After going through such pain, you have to ask yourself: Why? Why are you going through continuously toxic relationships and entering into them with wrong people? What are you learning from each of these experiences? The most important part of these situations is that you are gaining knowledge of yourself and that you are healing from each person that has hurt you before you pursue another relationship.
Healing takes time and going into something or involving yourself with someone new while broken or fragmented will only yield the same results. What are you doing to change your situation? What is God teaching you? I am a firm believer that God teaches us something from every situation we encounter and that there is a lesson in each experience.
- Is the situation good or bad?
- Is it a result of me following God’s will or my own will?
- Or is it just a circumstance of life?
Why? The reason is that God is a teacher and He loves to teach us through experiences that will help us become better people; that will help us grow into His vision of us.
After a bad break-up, it is very important to reflect on what caused the relationship to be unhealthy. In most cases, relationships that end badly also started the same way. Evaluating your association will help you have a better understanding of why you participated in the relationship, in which areas you need to improve yourself, and what mistakes to avoid repeating in the future.
If you are like me, you don’t want to continuously experience the same awful cycles that often are the root cause of toxic relationships. Participating in back to back relationships and seeing the same results each time shows you that you are in a cycle!
In order to break free from the train ride of doom and set new standards for yourself, you need to ask yourself these 5 questions:
1. What red flags did I decide to look past?
You should never go into any relationship with your feelings or emotions leading the way. By letting yourself be led by emotions, you become a target for deception. Being controlled by your feelings is equivalent to walking into a relationship blind. There are always red flags as to why someone isn’t good for you, and if you are not sober enough to recognize those flags, you will end up in a relationship that is based off your need for comfort and company.
2. What part of me is broken that caused me to entertain wrongful company?
I’m going to piggyback off of the previous point. More often than not, people who are broken are willing to forsake the truth for comfort and company; they want to combat their loneliness. This reality can stem from a number of factors such as: lack of identity, insecurity, and unhealed wounds from past relationships. It is important to discover which areas of your soul still craves disastrous attention in order to uncover why you choose the mates that you do.
3. Am I insecure?
The role of insecurity is to make you think you deserve less than what God wants for you; what He wills you to be. Insecurities block you from knowing and recognizing your worth. A person that is insecure will pursue and accept the wrong relationships. A secure person, in contrast, will understand that they are worth the wait, the pursuit, and will always uphold standards that they have set for themselves.
4. Am I aware of my purpose?
If you are not aware of your purpose and your calling, you will more than likely date whoever seems most attractive. Those who understand their purpose will only entertain relationships that will comply with their calling on this earth. For example, if you desire to travel to many destinations over the course of your life, it wouldn’t be wise to begin a relationship with someone that does not like to fly in airplanes. Continuing to date someone that doesn’t match your future goals and God’s will is simply a waste of your time and theirs.
5. Who am I?
This is a question that most people are not able to answer truthfully. I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing who you are before pursuing a relationship. Not knowing your identity will only hinder your association and cause more harm than good. If you are struggling to answer this question with detail and substance, you should honestly wait to pursue anyone other than God. The pursuit of God will uncover the answer to the most crucial question there is: Who Am I?
Now I admonish you to see the bright side of your break-up and make it work in your favor. Stop putting yourself through an endless cycle! It’s time to get off the roller coaster and focus on you. Answer the 5 questions listed and do the work needed to become your best self before deciding to share your heart with another again.