Could YOU Be The Reason Why You Are Still Single?
Written By: Jonnita Condra
As we close out the remainder of 2017, it is easy to slip into the mindset of, I’ll be single forever. But, before you allow yourself to get into an end of the year funk, I want to offer you some guidelines of reflection to consider as you enter into 2018.
1.) It is not time. I know it sounds cliche` and every single person out there is probably tired of hearing, “wait on God’s timing”, but the fact will always remain- God’s timing is just that…God’s timing. In his perfection, God orchestrated a divine timeline for your life, which means the story of your life was written before you were a person. Every detail of your life has been tailored to set you up for each moment that will proceed. What does this mean for you?
You need to be present in the present. Where God has you right now is your personal classroom where he has designed specific lessons for you to learn from. As a son or daughter of our Heavenly Father you have the responsibility of asking Him, “Father, what lessons do you want me to learn in this season?” As you seek him in this manner, you soften your heart to his correction and allow him to change you- ultimately making you the one.
I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations. – Jeremiah 1:5
2.) You still need to heal. My sisters and brothers in Christ, you have to heal. It is not God’s desire for you to continue carrying around the wounds of past hurts. Wholeness is your inheritance. Through wholeness we can receive the abundant life God intended for each one of his children. In your season of healing you have to surrender the broken pieces of your heart, mind, body and soul over to our Father.
Some of us have unknowingly been approaching relationships through a broken lens, hoping our partner will fix us. But God is the only one who can heal us and make us whole. There is a version of you God intended you to become that you have not even seen yet until you get to the other side of healing.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:18-19
3.) You have idolized marriage. If you have obsessed over being a husband or wife throughout this year, marriage has become your idol. And we all know, our Father will have no other gods before him.
Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. – Exodus 20: 3-4
Why does God forbid idols? One word. Protection. When we begin to worship anything that is not the Father himself, it leads to destruction—but when we worship God he replenishes us in every area that we lack. The danger of idolizing marriage is that we begin to lose sight of God and our eyes are then fixed on this idea of marriage and a partner being our source. When that source doesn’t fulfill us, it can leave us emptier than we began, but our father will never leave us empty when we seek him.
Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” – John 4: 13-14
4.) Are you ignoring the relationships around you. It seems like the perfect fantasy to get “the one” and live out the fairytale life we’ve created in our minds. You know, that person we dream of to be ourselves with and we just relate. But what about your current relationships? Are you nurturing and cultivating your relationships with family and friends?
Maybe there is a relationship with a loved one God wants you to reconcile. Perhaps there is someone he has assigned you to minister to. Our ability to cultivate our present relationships sets the foundation for our future courtships and marriages. If we are dysfunctional now, it will open the door for dysfunction down the line.
I truly believe that God is building a generation of marriage that consists of two whole individuals submitted to Christ. We are that generation, but we have a part to play and that means allowing God to mold us into his likeness- so we can birth the next generation and those to come.
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6