7 Steps for Singles to Prepare Their Hearts to Love Again
Have you been hurt in the past or disappointed by a relationship you hoped would work but didn’t? Are you open to the idea of entering into a relationship again by courting? If so, it is very important to make sure your heart is ready for love. Here are a few steps to help you on your way:
Step 1 – Stabilize Your Foundation
It is imperative that your heart be stabilized and built on the foundation of Christ. Without taking the time to intentionally build an intimate relationship with the one who formed your heart, you are willingly setting yourself up to fail in your future relationship – and, truth be told, in relationships in general. Having a stabilized foundation in Christ helps you to:
- Forgive quickly and easily
- Problem solve and communicate from a place of humility
- Maintain control over your emotions
- Maintain sobriety
And the list goes on…
Step 2 – Cut the Ties in Your Heart to Ex-Relationships
If you’ve been involved in a past relationship, make sure to search your heart regarding possible emotional ties to that old relationship. You may have hidden expectations and desires to return to a relationship with your ex. Holding on to “the old” will cause you to look for the qualities and characteristics of “the old” in the person who could possibly be “the one.” Because your heart is still tied to your ex, you could unconsciously compare your ex to “the one” and miss out on a beautiful relationship because “the one” doesn’t exemplify the same qualities or characteristics.
Step 3 – Rid Yourself of the Toxicity of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness is a terrible poison that keeps you from opening your heart. It eventually turns into pride and causes you to become a selfish person. Does that sound like anyone you would want to be in a relationship with? I didn’t think so. This is why it’s important that you take the time to willingly let go of grudges, regrets, and feelings of revenge. If you desire marriage, you must desire to forgive quickly.
Step 4 – Willingly Learn to Trust Again
I completely understand that trusting someone can be difficult, and can be even more difficult if you’ve been hurt before. However, the truth of the matter is that to know when “the one” has come, you must be able to trust God. From there, you must be able to willingly trust the person you decided to be in a relationship with. Trust issues cause tensions and feelings of uncertainty. They also rob your relationship of peace. If a person hasn’t given you a reason not to trust, don’t punish them because of your own insecurities or because of the hurt you experienced at the hands of another.
Step 5 – Mature Your Heart & Purify Your Motives
You may ask, “How exactly do I do that?” Well, it all starts with prayer and devotional life. Maintaining a disciplined prayer and devotional life helps your heart, as well as your life motives to become more like Christ. The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:9: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Guess what? Your motives are generated from the heart. So clean up that heart and make room for the blessing God has for you.
Step 6 – Remove the Guard That Keeps Away “The One”
When you’ve experienced hurt, sometimes you will guard your heart, so much so that you could become cold-hearted. Basically, you’re not allowing anyone into your heart; you’re hanging a sign on it saying “Do Not Enter” or “Love Not Wanted.” If you truly desire marriage, you have to remove the guard. It can be scary doing so because your guard keeps you from feeling the pain of disappointment and rejection. But, let me be honest with you. You will never discover “the one” with a guard on your heart. In reality, the guard rejects the “the one.”
Step 7 – Maintain a Healthy Heart While Waiting
Continue to do heart checks on a regular basis. Check your heart for any damage and fix it immediately. Prolonging dealing with heart issues causes the issues to become more deeply embedded and more difficult to heal from. In addition, feed your heart good things, such as the scriptures; pray over your heart and remain accountable and honest with the issues within it to those you trust.
Get to work, your future spouse will thank you!