5 Mistakes Single People Make Before Marriage
Mistake 1: They Don’t Build Strong Friendships And Community
People are often not aware how necessary it is to have solid friendships and a supportive community. It is very clearly stated in the Bible that friendships are important because they are designed to help strengthen you.
Proverbs 27:17 talks about iron sharpening iron, which is symbolic of a community sharpening you as a person, keeping you accountable, pushing you forward, and encouraging you. When you venture into a season of courting, and later, marriage, you will need a way to keep yourself and your relationship stable. Seasons of transition can be overwhelming and filled with uncomfortable pressure.
Ideally, one should create their friendships and join a community before getting married, as it can become difficult to manage these transitions after tying the knot. Could you imagine trying to build a relationship with your friends while deciding on whom you want to marry; you would not have the proper advice before proceeding without friends that really know you. I know that if I were in that situation I would feel overwhelmed, confused, and unsure about my future spouse. Friends are a present necessity and it should be your goal to obtain good friendship as soon as possible.
Mistake 2: They Don’t Take Time To Heal
Everyone has or will experience pain and hurt in their life at some point, whether it is from a friend, family member, or previous relationship, there will be something that hurts your heart. Before inviting a significant other into the highs and lows of your emotional roller coaster, please take the time to heal yourself.
It is selfish to invite someone into your life and blindside them into sharing your past hurts with you. Once a new partner has opted into the relationship it is unfair of you to expect them carry the baggage of your past relationship; they should not have to deal with the bitterness you still feel due to pain you once encountered.
Take time for your single self to understand the deceitfulness of your heart, ask God to reveal and heal what’s broken so that you are able to love the new person from a place of purity. Hurting people really do hurt people because what’s in a sick heart will eventually surface. If you want a healthy future relationship, you have to pursue healing now!
Mistake 3: They Don’t Make Time To Discover Their Identity
A common issue many people face in relationships is a loss of identity. The problem however, isn’t that that they have necessarily lost their identity, but rather that they never discovered who they truly were before marriage. If you don’t know who you are, you will easily take on the identity of your significant other because you spend time around them often, your emotions are involved, and your hearts are tied together. This is why it’s crucial to build a foundation that helps you understand who you are before attaching yourself to a life partner.
Being a good spouse is not all that God has called you to do, and your single season is the prime time to find your purpose, learn about yourself, and to discover what God has intended for your life. I urge you to tap into why you were created and placed on Earth while single, as it will help you find greater fulfillment in your future relationships.
Mistake 4: They Prepare For The Wedding Rather Than The Marriage
Trust me, I understand that everyone wants to have a beautiful wedding. It’s the day you’ve been dreaming about since you were young, but that’s all that it is, one day. Marriage, on the other hand, is for the rest of your life. If you spend more time planning the wedding than you do preparing for your marriage, then you do not have a strong grip on the reality that is matrimony.
It will take a lot of work to stay married; you will have to put in effort to make the right decisions while loving your spouse on a daily basis. Some skills and values you will need are communication, mercy, forgiveness, endurance, patience, affirmations, money management, multi-tasking skills, and many more. Never overlook the realities of life just because you are trapped in fantasy.
Mistake 5: They Waste Time
This is my favorite point of the five. I’ve encountered numerous singles that put their lives on hold until they get married. They don’t pursue their dreams, goals, adventures; everything is on pause until they meet their significant other. Why would you do that? What if you do not find the person you are going to marry for another 2 years? What about another 5 years? Are you really going to wait that long to live your life? I promise you, you will look up one day and realize that time has passed and you have not achieved what you desired. You will feel regret for waiting until marriage to start your life.
Putting your life on hold is making an idol out of marriage. The Bible tells us over and over again to place no other god (idol) above the only true God. Instead of spending your time thinking about when you will find “the one,” why not make better use of your abilities and solve world issues, do work to benefit the next generation, or just simply make an impact. If you’ve been wasting time focusing on the wrong things, make a vow today to shift your heart in the direction God wants to take you.