3 Things I learned About Myself Through My Wife’s Pregnancy
We’re almost in month 6 of the pregnancy of our first child and I’m having such a great time. Planning a baby shower, buying baby stuff, choosing baby names, and learning about the pregnancy process & developmental markers of the baby are among the most enjoyable things that I’ve ever done.
For 33 years I have dreamed of being a father; so I sort of expected to enjoy these elements.
Now, what has been totally unexpected about this process is what I have learned about me! Proverbs 4:7 says that whatever we do, we should get wisdom and an understanding. As I have received the blessing and privilege of becoming a father, God has allowed me to grow in wisdom and understand some things. Specifically, there are 3 things I learned about me through the process of my wife’s pregnancy:
1. I have been selfish!
I have realized in two central ways that I have been very selfish.
A) I have not put my wife’s body in the proper context in our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I was not abusive, nor did I look at my wife as a piece of meat. I did, however, fail to realize the pure splendor, strength, and sex appeal that her body possesses.
Watching her body purposely transform, perfectly shift, and automatically adjust to prepare for our child is a testament to God’s greatness and sovereignty and to the power that He has placed in my wife’s body. I had no idea that I was not giving my wife’s body the proper praise and awe that it deserved.
B) I have not placed enough value on quality time (QT) with my wife. In our home, we have date night on a regular. I relegated our QT to just that—date night and love making. Within the past 3 months, I’ve realized that QT goes beyond those two traditional elements. She asked me to read her and our unborn child a bible bedtime story and the look of peace, contentment, and fulfillment that was on her face was…indescribable! It was in this moment that my understanding of “the little things” grew exponentially.
2. I’m afraid. But, I’m strong!
I am scared. I’m scared of failing. I’m afraid of making a mistake that the family cannot recover from. I’m fearful that I won’t be able to lead my family. ALL of these are true. Even though I’m apprehensive, I am not paralyzed!
This fear gives me a bit of an edge, an awareness of the stakes that are at hand, and requires me to perform…to excel! God did not give me a fearful spirit! He did, however, give me 5 senses and a functioning brain that lets me absorb stimuli, situations, and circumstances. Those senses tell me that life is about to change forever and that’s a lot to take in; but I welcome it wholeheartedly.
3. My presence is needed…literally.
We’re all aware of the statistics about the lack of males in the home. I’m obviously in the home and very present during the pregnancy, but there are times when I may not be around for a decision. Or recently, business took us away from each other for about a combined week and it was tough. The support that my wife needs from me can only come from me.
Her friends were there to support her while I was away on business, and her co-workers were there to support her while she was on her business trip, but it was not enough because I wasn’t there. This is not to toot my horn, but it’s a testament of how much spouses should rely on each other. The ways in which I can support, love, under-gird, pray for, massage,make laugh, & comfort my wife cannot come from anyone else but me.
And even though I’ve learned so much throughout this process, it’s still not finished and I’m still learning…