3 Traits of the Bitter, Single Friend
by Joy Oguntimein
You’ve seen the post before. You know the, “Why do people feel the need to plaster their love everywhere?”, “I give that relationship [X] months.” or “A lot of people in relationships are just afraid to be alone.””
Now if you’ve seen these because you’ve posted them, then there is a possibility that you’re becoming the bitter single friend. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I’ve been there.
We want to celebrate romance, but we’re baffled about how that one friend who everyone knows is selfish and arrogant is getting married next month?!?! We’ve followed all the “rules” of how to find your BoRu (Boaz +Ruth), yet here we are: single and on the verge of, or already entrapped in, bitterness.
Here’s the thing, we’ve got to identify signs of bitterness and address them before we become Trump’s “US Secretary of Relationship Cynicism”. So what are the signs of a budding bitter, single friend?
- One cannot be happy for anyone; not even Uncle Barack and Aunty Michelle.
An obvious sign of a bitter single friend: the person does not celebrate other’s happiness. This person constantly criticizes and speaks doom.
We don’t have to swoon over every happy couple that we see or lie about red flags in the relationship. But we shouldn’t denounce a relationship out of secret envy. We can learn from other people’s relationship some practices that may help us have a healthy and happy relationship.
- One draws attention to his/her relationship status.
A bitter single friend seizes every opportunity to broadcast he/she is single. The conversation is about the ark. The friend jumps in saying, “I would’ve drowned because I’m #foreversingle. I wouldn’t have found someone to go marching 2×2 with into the ark.”
We do not have to broadcast our singleness. We are not defined by our relationship status. Let’s bring more attention to our character, and God-given gifts.
- One boycotts Valentine’s Day and all things romantic.
No one is interested in reading the thesis on how Valentine’s Day is a fictitious holiday created to benefit retail manufacturers.
On Valentine’s Day, instead of posting a 100 line rant on Facebook (that no one will read), we can love ourselves and someone else. Take a widow or a foster child to the movies. Tell ourselves (and the homeless person we’ve ignored) that we’re loved, valuable, and treasured.
Before you can hope to have a successful relationship, you have to uproot that bitter root. If you don’t, bitterness will keep growing, producing a harvest of pain for you and the people in your world. Precious moments of joy will be stolen. Worst of all the bitterness will not magically disappear when you find someone and get married. Instead of single and bitter, you’ll be married, discontent, and bitter.
Nip bitterness in the bud. And remember, “All things in their due season.” God’s got you boo. Relax, trust Him, and #beJOYful!
Joy Oguntimein is a speaker, writer, educator, and consultant, She lives by the motto Jesus. Others. You. She believes if you live life following Jesus, walking with others, and being authentically you, then you’ll thrive and #beJOYful through life’s expected and unexpected pivotal moments. Her desire is to cure basic-ness by stirring up the gifts and treasures within others. Joy is a Jesus loving, trouble making lady.